Divorce is one of the most challenging of life’s experiences. The only thing I can think of that comes close is maybe losing everything in a house fire. There isn’t an area of your life that divorce won’t affect. You have to make some of the hardest decisions ever – about family, parenting, finances and your future – when you are the least able to make them.
Divorce is mostly an emotional event, with some legal components to it.
Before the legal divorce starts and for a length of time after it completes the emotional divorce carries on. For the person who wants the divorce the emotional divorce starts months to years prior to the legal divorce. For the person who was handed the divorce, the emotional divorce begins with great intensity and without warning. The legal aspects concern property, money, retirement accounts, parenting schedules. The emotional divorce is about everything else. Everything else. It is the invisible rudder that will steer your entire process if you aren’t mindful of it.
The emotional divorce is about:
- Grieving the things you’ll miss
- The anger you feel
- Guilt and rejection
- Your sentimental attachments
- Your fear around finances, family and future
- Memories in the family home
- Holidays and anniversaries
- Perceived injustices, lies and betrayals.
And many other things.
A lot of folks don’t give a lot of heed to the emotional part of things. I see this a lot with people who hire professionals. They want their lawyer and a financial person and completely disregard the help they need for their heart and putting the pieces of life back together again. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t ignore the most insidious part of your divorce.